with all due re2pect… 

rihanna revisited: rocked out to this song the other day and realized that the video is still in my top five. always

"it’s like screaming and no one can hear. 

you almost feel ashamed that someone can be that important that without them you feel like nothing. no one’ll ever understand how much it hurts. 

you feel hopeless.
like nothing can save you. 

and when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish that you can have all that bad stuff back so that you can have the good…”

hate

i have to put this here because i don’t have anywhere else to put it. need to make room for this shit somewhere because, well, my friends are finished. my family, too. and my co-workers are more or less confused. (can’t blame them). 

because of you, i’ve got nowhere else to unpack this. yet i have to get it out because it’s harbored inside of me, filling me up and rotting my spirit. being sad won’t cut it; all the tears have turned to delirious laughter… 

i just want ME back! 

i have to shout it to convince myself that i’m still fuckin’ here. because somehow in these last three days (years!), i’ve lost me. behind smiling IG flicks and faux-exhales, the hate and hurt that’s barricaded between my rib cage has a vice grip on my heart and. it. is. KILLING. ME. 

when something’s so intricately tied to your soul, it appears in everything. and i mean everything: every movement, every lyric, every picture, every tweet. but i’d like to not think about you ever again. i’d like for your karma to return with a maniacal vengeance.

…and so i have to stash all of those emotions here, because if i don’t get it out now, i’ll lose what’s left of the good in me. i lose the person who wants me to move forward for him. 

and where else would it even fit? i mean, if i smash some shit around and just find a place for all this hate, maybe it won’t swallow me up whole. maybe i can revisit the nightmares from my past and laugh 10 years from now when it’s brushed away like a forgotten memory. when i can giggle about when you put my life at risk. when a chuckle is the apropos response to how mentally ill the lying became. maybe i’ll relive the times i didn’t love myself enough to let go with my future kids, so they’ll never do what mommy did… 

today though, all of the devastation is fresh. not distant but here. right now. i’m completely consumed by it because i’ve gotta pay to repair the damages. me.

EYE have to recover. 

enough’s e-fucking-nough. i am sick, exhausted, unraveling. and i HATE that you’re the reason.

me. 

my first #soundstyle segment with lauren london. 

The Second Helping of ‘Orange Is The New Black’ Is Just As Appetizing

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America’s obsession with prison culture didn’t begin with Jenji Kohan-created Netflix series Orange Is The New Black. In fact, the land of the free has been fascinated with chained individuals since before the days of Oz, Prison Break and the whole gritty, made-for-TV lot. But the women-in-prison dramedy starring whitebread protagonist Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling) that took online binge-watching by storm last year for its innovative peek into the female jailhouse experience is, once again, dragging us deeper into the complexities of that lifestyle.

Picking up a month after Piper’s outrageous altercation with Pennsatucky (Taryn Manning), the first episode of the new season whisks the self-described WASP away to Chicago to tesitfy for her past transgressions with Alex (Laura Prepon), where we see a extreme lack of loyalty. Here, an unusual cast of characters is quickly introduced, but as soon as ease calms the frantic feeling that Pipe’s world will now consist of racing roaches (yes, roaches!), the storyline jets back to Litchfield to catch up with old faves: a kookier Crazy Eyes (Uzo Aduba), delusional but loving Lorna Morello (Yael Stone), a very pregnant and hormonal Daya (Dascha Polanco) and a now grey-haired Red (Kate Mulgrew). And yes, a bit more seasoned and hardened, Piper returns to the Litchfield’s gen pop.

Even though the second season isn’t as completely fresh as its 12-episode predecessor, Kohan’s ability to continuously humanize each character by peeling back their unfortunate journeys leading to Litchfield will keep you clicking “Next Episode.” You’ll also be happy to find that Taystee (Danielle Brooks) and Poussey (Samira Wiley) are two of the before-the-clink tales we get to digest all before episode 7. But nothing changes the climate quite like the arrival of Vee (Lorraine Toussant), ex-drug dealer and Taystee’s pre-prison mother figure, which causes an all-out power struggle between Spanish Harlem and the Ghetto. All in all, sitting down to feast on the season 2 of OITNB is a treat. Some of it is scattered and force-fed but the same ingredients that had us gobbling up season 1 remain as morsels of well-written goodness.

Season 2 premieres on Netflix June 6. 

This article was originally published here